Where are you going?

Alice, where are you going? Upstairs to take a bath.
Alice, with legs like toothepicks, and a neck like a giraffe
Alice, got in the bathtub, pulled out the plug and then
Oh my goodness, bless my soul! There goes Alice down the hole!
Alice, where are you going? Glub, glub, gurgle!  

My grandmother use to sing this song. She started out the, “Alice. . .where are you go-ing?” in such a gentle, soothing tone. You had to be quite sure it was a lullabye. Right as you were getting the goofy, almost dreamy, grin on your face–whoops! Alice pulls the plug!

How fitting an analogy to a 3-week break. Just long enough to make you think it will all be alright after all, but it’s funny how hard the end of the rest hits you, and then–glub, GLUB, gurgle! Alice, where are you going?

I thought I had it all together, right up until I started getting emails from my professors. You know what I mean, right? I’d done the resting thing. I’d done all the “have-to-do-this-or-it-wasn’t-really-summer” things. Got my ducks in a row for school. Just coastin’, going to take the next semester by storm, all full of energy and on top of my game. And then one email–one email!!–and the next thing I know, I’m fighting off a panic.

I can’t do this.

It’s almost kind of cute how many times I have to discover this.

No, dear, you can’t.

And the question really is, why are you trying?

Why do rage and struggle when you could be sitting quietly, resting your head like child?

Do you like getting yourself all worked up? Do you think you’ve become omnipotent since the last time you smashed up against this wall? And if you could do this thing, this one thing. . .what would it benefit you? What would it accomplish you?

What is your purpose?

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