Flutter-by, butter-fly

It’s funny how “be still” and “panic!!” run so side by side. How thoughts of letting go and holding on can seem to be the same thing. How impossible it seems to be to look forward without also looking back.

I am exhausted by the end of each day, but it’s not because I’m working hard so much as it is because the roller-coaster of thoughts and emotions, hopes and fears–it sucks my energy right out with the tide, and I’m left sitting confused in a stationary body that can’t figure out how to get up and do the next thing. Even the next thing just seems like too much.

I both want to be perfect and want to be okay with NOT being perfect, all wrapped up into one.

 

But mostly my mind is so fidgety, I can’t seem to get a grasp on any real thoughts, as much as I would desperately like to be anchored to one.

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