This is the thing: all those motivational quotes? Over Pinterest and Facebook and what have you? They like to pretend that life has no consequences, and that there will be no waking up tomorrow morning to deal with the aftermath.
Be Fearless! they say. Well, you know what? Most people aren’t afraid for no good reason. Most people are afraid because of the consequences. Most people are afraid because doing stupid things results in messed up situations.
Live With No Regrets! Do What You Really Want!! Yes, honey, I would love to do what I really want. That requires hiring a full-time gardener and cook/housecleaner. Until you can tell me how that’s feasible, I still really can’t do what I want. Do people really not understand that? Things come with a price. Who says you can really pay them? We’re finite beings.
We’re afraid of touching hot stoves, because, guess what? It HURTS to touch hot stoves!! DUH!!! And then they say, Do things that will hurt you! You Coward!
I think the reason why it makes me so very frustrated is because I want those pithy little sayings to be true. I want to be all, “I got this crap!” But, um, yeah. . .NO. I do not have this crap. And I’m not enough of a mental patient (yet) to pretend I do.
I think I’m a pretty seize-the-day kinda person. I do things that I’ve always wanted to do, even without making a bucket list and posting it on Facebook. I’ve tackled some scary things. . .learning to swim. Singing, even in front of other people. The stuff of phobias.
Do I have dreams?
I’m going to marry a celloist, and drive around the nation with our 5 kids and a pop-up camper. I’m going to be a modern day gypsy, and we’re going to sell homemade ice cream on the side of the road. That’s just in the summers. In the winter, we’re going to third-world countries, where we’ll love people and work with them, and be part of the rising of of countries instead of their crumbling decline.
In case you did not notice, the first important part of this plan is “Marry a celloist.” And, if you try hard to think of all the celloists you’ve ever known (not very many, I’m sure), you’re probably realizing that most of them wouldn’t be up for the rest of that paragraph. Even if I somehow managed to find a celloist who’s on the same page as me, I’m still kind of stumped: just how, exactly, are we supposed to fund ourselves, our five children, and the third world nations on road-side homemade ice cream?
That would sure as heck be life with no regrets, but nuts-and-bolts, people–how does it happen? Sure–I have a long list of things that I would do if money were no option, if having fun didn’t mean paying the consequences of not being responsible, if I had the power to do the things that I wanted to do. I’m never going to be the lithe, gymnast-mountain-climbing-ninja-girl who sings like an angel. On my bucket list? Yes. Feasible? Don’t be stupid. We’re talking about needing to alter my basic physiology that I was born with. Puberty did it’s own thing on top of that, but “lithe” never entered the equation anywhere along the way.
I get that some people need motivation. I get that it’s easier to come up with excuses than with solutions. But some of us want to live our dreams, and we’re desperate to find a way–a way that doesn’t involve “sell your soul to the devil” or “change your dreams.” I’m trying to live an exuberant life, but who pays the bills? Because exuberance comes with a price.
This isn’t really a rant, because I really want an answer. People say if you really want something, you’ll make a way. That’s not true. Some things aren’t up to you, like whether or not you get accepted into a certain school, get a job that you want. . .whether or not your car gets wrecked or your dog dies.
People say to dare to take what you really want. . .but if taking what I want now (the school I want) saddles me with so much debt I can’t have any of the other things I want later on. . .did I really win?