More Grace

Today, I just wanted to let the world know I was happy that I was less anxious.

At the beginning of this semester I was having what for me were wild and disturbing symptoms of stress–shaking and trembling, crazy low blood pressure, weird feelings in my chest. When put under the pressure of a timed quiz, I feel apart. The panic was stupid and insane, all at once, and I couldn’t figure out why.

My physics professor agreed to let me test in a different location, at the testing center. This was enough to drop away the sense of pressure, and I brought home scores like 96 on my exams. I’ve been gradually feeling better, so for this last exam, I decided to try to take it in class.

I got the lowest exam grade I’ve gotten all semester (91), but did not panic. Nervous? Sure. That’s my normal. More nervous than if I was in the testing center? Yeah. But my normal. I’m back to testing among my peers, instead of with special accommodations, and instead of shaking and trembling on the stairs, I’m running across campus and dashing up the stairs (with my fully loaded 30+ lb knapsack), in a rush from tutoring someone else to getting to my class.

I will gladly take the 5 point drop in my grade to be back to “normal.” And I’m very grateful my physics instructor was willing to work with me, instead of telling me to suck it up and deal with it. I have no cure to offer anyone else struggle with something similar; just a grateful recognition that a cure has been granted to me.  Gloria in excelsis Deo.

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